


A Little Mishap

by vicki



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Community: sg_rarepairings, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-31
Updated: 2008-10-31
Packaged: 2017-10-15 06:24:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/157941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vicki/pseuds/vicki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There comes a time in every man's life that he wishes that he could forget he was a man for just one moment and simply crawl into a dark corner and stay there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little Mishap

There comes a time in every man's life that he wishes that he could forget he was a man for just one moment and simply crawl into a dark corner and stay there.

For Evan Lorne, a highly decorated and well-respected major in the United States Air Force, that moment was now.

The half-muffled giggles from the woman standing beside him weren't helping and he told her as much.

"Sorry," she said. The 'sir' was added on a moment too late.

Lorne just sighed and gave it up as a bad job. He turned to the man standing by the DHD and nodded. "Dial it up then, Sergeant," he said. "Let's get this over and done with."

There were more giggles from his side and he glared at her, before taking a deep breath and stepping through.

* * *

The Atlantis gate room was dead silent once Major Lorne and his team returned. For a moment, they just stood dumbly in the middle of the floor; Lorne's stormy face was stunning counterpart to his usual cheerful disposition, Lieutenant Cadman seemed to be fighting back giggles, and the two NCOs with them were staring straight ahead and looking as though they were wishing themselves to be anywhere but there right now.

The spell that had seemingly settled over everybody was broken by Doctor Rodney McKay, as he bustled self-importantly into the gate room, Zelenka close on his heels.

"And because of that incompetent, foolish, good-for-nothing French nincompoop that it is my misfortune to have to deal with..." McKay happened to glance up, spotting Lorne and his team, and did a double take, stopping in the middle of the floor. Zelenka crashed straight into the back of him, and McKay turned to glare at him briefly, before focusing his attention back on the newly arrived group.

With his characteristic bluntness, he was able to articulate what everyone else in the vicinity had been thinking.

"What the _hell_ are you wearing?"

* * *

"It was all Lieutenant Cadman's fault," declared Lorne hours later, thankfully back in his own garments once again.

"Isn't it always?" asked Elizabeth, quirking her eyebrow as the hint of a smile tugged on her lips.

Lorne began to pace the short length of her quarters. "Well, often it's McKay's. Or sometimes it's Zelenka's. Maybe Doc Keller's once in a while. It's mostly McKay's though. But Cadman does rank pretty highly. She's always been a trouble maker."

"And yet, you married her anyway," pointed out Elizabeth, glancing up from her paperwork to see his reaction. It was worth it, as he froze mid-pace with a look, very akin to a rabbit caught in headlights, upon his face.

"You weren't supposed to know that," he said, a slight crack in his voice. "How did you find out?"

Elizabeth resisted the urge to roll her eyes, and leaned back in her chair. As much as she might love him, there was no denying that he could be very dense at times.

"Maybe because it's in your official _file_?" she suggested, watching the look of comprehension dawn on his face. "As is your divorce fourteen months later."

"We were young and stupid. She was young, I was stupid," explained Lorne. "We're great as friends, but the only reason we even made it to fourteen months was that I spent half of that time in Germany. Is this…" He hesitated. "Is this going to be a problem?"

Elizabeth smiled across at him. "It doesn't matter to me that you're divorced, or even that your ex-wife is on Atlantis," she assured him. "I was just amused how you always seem to blame her for everything. I'm not quite sure how she's to blame for your _little_ wardrobe incident today. She was also affected by the mishap."

Any emphasis on the word 'little' was purely coincidental.

He scowled at her. "At least she was fully covered."

"So were you," said Elizabeth reasonably. "Well. Mostly."

"All I'm saying is that next time I go off-world with the lieutenant, I'm getting her a leash," he declared, nodding firmly.

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. "Really?" she drawled. "You know, you can't say that and nothing else."

Lorne shook his head. "Yes, I can. It's Cadman's fault and she needs a leash when she's off-world. That's all there is to it."

"You have to put it in your report, so you might as well just tell me now," pointed out Elizabeth.

"I only need to give the general gist of what happened. Actual specifics are not required. Article 17, subparagraph 3."

"But if you can't tell me, then who can you tell?" asked Elizabeth pleadingly.

"No one but me and Cadman and God will ever know what happened," declared Lorne firmly.

* * *

Elizabeth pouted at him. He hated it when she pouted at him and he felt his resolve weaken immediately.

He yawned over exaggeratedly, stretching out his arms behind him. "You know, I'm think I'm going to call it a night," he declared.

For a famed international diplomat and leader of the greatest expedition ever attempted by man, Elizabeth could pull off petulant incredibly well.

"Are you sure?" she purred, one hand moving to fiddle with the zip of her shirt.

She was also _very_ good at seductive.

Lorne gulped. None of his torture resistance techniques had ever included sex and Elizabeth knew just what to do to get him to talk.

But he was able to stay strong and resist. He promised to join her for an early breakfast the next morning, leaving her with a chaste kiss. He began to feel more like a man again more as he resisted her feminine wiles and escaped from her secret-inducing clutches.

* * *

Elizabeth would have the last laugh the next day when she was joined by a certain Lieutenant Cadman for lunch, who had no qualms whatsoever about spilling all the sordid details of the previous mission.

Her narrative came complete with over enthusiastic hand gestures and the forced recruitment of Doctor Keller to fully set the scene.

Lieutenant Cadman even had visual aids, which she gave to Elizabeth, before running off to grovel to Jennifer for ambushing her like that.

Elizabeth smirked as she sat down in her office afterwards, looking at the pictures. Shaking her head, she chuckled as she locked the photos in the top drawer of her desk. It never hurt to have blackmail material on your boyfriend.

Somewhere in the depths of Atlantis, Lorne suddenly shivered.


End file.
